Year and a Day–Journal Entry One

Which do you prefer, reconstructionist or neopagan? Is there a specific tradition that you are drawn to?

I personally prefer neopagan practices. I find that for me, the reconstructionist religions are too strict, or structured. I am more interested in intuitive magick/witchery/etc. Part of what never felt right to me about being a Christian is that it was so structured. Neopaganism, is just something that you can do as it feels natural, you don’t have to follow what a priest tells you to do, or have a specific book you have to read, you read what interests you and do what feels good and what makes sense to you, and that just just feels more right to me that way.

I find myself pulled very strongly towards Hedge-Witchery, as well as the Poison Path, which is inconvenient, as they seem to be two of the paths that there’s not much information regarding. At the same time, it works well for me, and for what I want in life, because the fact that there’s very little information seems to me that it means there is very much flexibility, and the ability to build my path to the way that it suits me.

Animal Totem Meditation

I did an Animal Totem Meditation today and was rather shocked. Even though I almost always know what my totem animal is, and when it changes, I will often do totem animal meditations just to see if I learn something new about myself. This time, I did in fact learn a bit about myself, most importantly, maybe, the fact that my totem animal has changed.

Most of the totem animal and animal guide meditations I’ve done involve meeting the animal in a large field, often, I will meet a large grey wolf, it’s been that way for years. So much so that my heart daughter calls me Mama Wolf (and she is Wolf Girl, of course). This time, instead of the usual grey wolf, I met a beautiful Cheetah. This is the first time my totem animal has been a Cheetah, or even a cat of any type, so this is very new to me. I knew very little about cheetah medicine and so I had to go and look it up. From what I read, a lot of Cheetah medicine has to do with things that apply to me in life at the moment. Things like flexibility, swiftness and picking and choosing my battles are all things I have been struggling with as of late. I am very interested to see the effects of this change in my day to day life.

Energy Vampires, Friends Who Accept My Energy When I Offer It, and the Difference Between Them.

I realized tonight that I can often tell when a friend is having a rough time because before I even know what's going on, or who it's going on with,  I feel like I've been attacked by an energy vampire. I feel drained of energy, both emotionally and physically, and tonight is no different. What is different is that when I get attacked by the energy vamps, I feel so horribly negative, I almost want to cry. When I lose energy from being there from my friends, I feel like my heart is over flowing with love. Again, tonight is no different. 
I told you recently that you’ve been good for me. So many nights, our conversations have ended with me feeling blessed that I have people like you to converse with, people who allow me to share my energy with them when they need it, rather than forcing it from me. You are a remarkable person, and our talk tonight reminded me of how I felt years ago.  Just because it hasn’t been long, doesn’t mean you haven’t become an important person in my life. You’re welcome to my energy whenever you need it. Love you, be safe.